Aloof...me?

I had an epiphany a few weeks ago that I present myself to the world as a bit aloof.

Although I enjoy the clarity an epiphany brings to you…being thought of as aloof was like trying to swallow a giant jawbreaker.

According to every fiber of my being; I never feel detached, indifferent or distant from what is going on in or around my world, and I absolutely never feel that way about the people I love and care about.

Still…I do come across as aloof, and I believe if you are a woman with any sense of strong-will and independence you may just be presenting yourself this way too.

A strong-willed and independent woman rarely seeks out help or advice since she already knows the solution, and if she doesn’t know the solution; she assumes no one else does either and she will eventually figure it out.

A strong-willed and independent woman rarely asks for a shoulder to cry on, because she knows the tears will pass and she will be ok.

A strong-willed and independent woman rarely becomes dramatic or crazy when it comes to her relationship, not for lack of passion or commitment, but because losing control accomplishes nothing and she does not like to be seen as fragile.

All of these things are true when she is on her own, but surround this woman with the women she loves and trusts, and everything changes.

She will still be strong-willed and independent, leopards don’t change their spots, but she will also be vulnerable and emotional, she will cry and ask for advice, and she will even let her crazy out.

She never consciously presents herself as being aloof, and if you asked her how she was doing or if she needed your help, she would probably be more open and honest than someone who shares every detail of their life while seeking advice from everyone they know.

We, the strong-willed and independent women of the world, want to be loved and supported like everyone else, but we need to remember not everyone handles life the way we do. There are people in our lives who love and support us unconditionally; if we open up a bit more, make the first move and drop our walls…we just might find our lives to be richer and fuller than we ever knew possible.

As for me and my aloofness, I am working on it daily.

Everyday I send a random, funny, or sweet text to the women in my life; they include my lifelong bestie, my sisters, my nieces, my girlfriends, and the kindest and loveliest woman in the entire universe, my Mother.

Why do I text them you may be asking?

Because I want them to know I am thinking about them every day, and when life is being either particularly shitty or particularly spectacular and they want or need someone to share it with…I am available!

I have also made amends with how I have been in my romantic relationships. I have always eschewed drama with the men in my life, because I never wanted to be like every other woman. I could always hold my own in any argument and I could always rationally discuss our relationship, but now I realize I wasn’t being seen as calm and cool, I was being seen as aloof and passionless.

Men say they do not want a crazy drama queen…they are big fat liars!

Men don’t want a stalker or a bunny boiler, but they want to be needed and they want to feel like they are the only man in the world for you.

I have to thank the last man in my life for being honest about the attraction men have towards crazy, and he was the very first man in my life to drive me f*cking nuts…could this be because he is the first man I truly loved enough to let my guard down?

So, if you are a strong-willed and independent woman who loathes the idea of being needy, and does not believe she will wither up and die if she suffers a broken heart…you will need to be less aloof, and a little crazier if you want to keep a man.

My first impression to the world at large may always be lined with a twinge of aloofness and maybe that is impossible to undo after forty years of living, but I am going to continue to be more open and approachable with the people who occupy my small little slice of the world…writing more frequently and sharing it for the world to see has already been a big step towards the world seeing me the way I am…more goof than aloof…way more goof!